Conversations Between My Imaginary Dick and I

I have never gotten much along with ladies. Females, women. Whatever label they do or don't deserve. In 5th grade I told the girls in my class to "fuck off and rip the heads of their Barbies off" when they didn't want to talk to me because I had hair lice. My teacher told my mother he thinks I have "gender issues". Maybe the fact that I was never into female stuff (whether it was Barbies from age 0-10 or nails and kitchy novels from age 10-forever), has something to do with the fact that I have a very progressive and awesome mother for century or time. But the fact remains true. I've never been a ladies woman.

Maybe the element of artificial in the female world is appealing to some, but certainly not to me. If I had to make my pick, which I did, between a group of seemingly ruthless young men which can seemingly only talk about whores, computers, German fecal porn and degregation of the female species and a group of young girls that twitter and tatter and insolently blabber about nails, magazines, brands, labels and how they just CANNOT speak to that boy because he will thinks she's oh so foolish, I would definately pick the boys. Whatever happened to not judging a book by its cover? Of course, the fact that I have breasts inherently carries within it the judgment that all I'm trying to do is get laid by talking to men, but hey, if that's what it takes to have fun and not get judged for having a fake Burberry bag, then I take it.

Of course, men can be superficial, disgusting and brutal. But why can't women be like that as well? No one is picture perfect 24-7 and running full intellectual speed all the time is impossible. I actually quite like having a laugh at a prostitute joke from time to time. The fact that it made me a prostitue amongst the circle of my aquaintances really just makes me laugh (not in the sarcastic but literal sense). Men can actually be charming, witty, fun and genuinely good at heart. Call me naive or an optimist but being told I have an imaginary cock (awful awful word) actually genuinely made me smile and it's something I pride myself in. If being brutishly open about everything from anal sex to my own feelings got me there, then so be it.